I never thought I would see such a video in my life time. I thought my idea of sexual how to’s was permanently damaged by over exposure to Cosmopolitan. Regular readers of my work will know about my interest in African sex practices and decolonized sex and sexuality. A friend of mine in Australia sent me this last week after the decolonizing sex article, thinking I had seen it. Girl, I’m eternally grateful. I thought older black women talking about sex and literally showing women how to do it, so candidly was a thing of the past and not an actual occurrence in modern day Africa.
Part of my interest in this subject is the fact that practices like this, where young women were be systematically taught, culturally ushered into sex and sexuality by older women, have been disappearing since the advent of colonialism and Victorian attitudes towards sex, which were basically that sex is evil and anyone who enjoys it a harlot who is going to go to burn in hell, unless of course they are trying to procreate. The patriarchy in all its iterations, has also disfigured our approach about sex to such an extent that the female orgasm is a relatively new phenomenon in Western ideology compared to cultures in Africa. Patriarchal sex doesn’t consider a woman’s sexual needs. It doesn’t privilege her pleasure.
Not in this part of Kenya. Kachabali, the art of female orgasm according to this Kenyan tradition (I think it’s an East African thing because not so far from Kenya, in Rwanda, they have Kunyaza) as stated by this woman, who is a Ssenga or in my understanding, sex coach, is an acknowledged practice in Kenyan bedrooms. I love everything about this video, the age of the women, the descriptions she uses for the clitoris and how she made me conscious of the shape of a woman’s vagina and how to best make use of that shape for achieving orgasm. Most importantly, I love the didactic approach to sex and that it’s primarily about pleasing the woman, a skill that makes for a very happy sex life.